Imitation of Life
by WildCherry45
Summary: Set in S2. Haley has left for NYC. She receives a voice message from Nathan. 1? WIP
1. Proof

Title: Imitation of Life

Author: WildCherry45

Notes: Set in Season 2. Haley has left for NYC and Nathan is left at home, alone, in Tree Hill.

Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing. Mark Co. own all. Yellowcard owns the lyrics below.

_"Waking up from this nightmare… how's your life, what's it like there? Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is?"_

-

It was already nearing 2:30 AM when she first heard the message.

She had just stumbled into her darkened hotel room, her fingers fumbling with her jacket zipper as she fell onto the bed. Sleep was only moments away and at that point her eyes were already shut. She never could go to sleep without a proper cleansing ritual, however and so, when she opened her eyes a few minutes later, she was more than surprised to find flashing lights beaming on the ceiling. Confusion stirred within her before she realized that the light was coming from her cell phone.

She flipped on her phone and for the next five minutes, she could not move. There in the darkness with only the glow from the cell phone, her shock was illuminated. In the palm of her hand, beaming proudly was a picture she had taken of Nathan only a few weeks before, below that, in bold black print was 'new message'.

By the time she finally snapped from her dazed thoughts, her cell phone had reverted back to sleep mode and the lights had stopped flashing. The darkness of her hotel room consumed her once again. Consciously aware of the consequences, her right index finger pressed down at a random button on her cell phone and again, the picture and words beamed back at her. Swallowing the nervousness in her throat, she dialed her voice mail. The digitally recorded voice sounded into her ears, asking her if she wanted to hear her new message. She pressed her password into the phone, hesitating for a moment before finally pressing pound.

The message began to play but all there was, was silence. Her brow furrowed and she was about to hang up when she heard it, barely audible but there nonetheless.

"I miss you."

The phone slipped from her fingers and she remained there on the bed, frozen. She blinked a few times, her eyes uncharacteristically dry. She was supposed to cry now, she thought. Yet, no tears came out. All she could do was stare at the blank wall in front of her.

Was she supposed to call back? Was she ready for that? Should she go back to Tree Hill? Or was she supposed to continue the tour?

What did she want?

The questions remained unanswered and in the quiet moments of night, she found that the answers that she desperately craved were unreachable. She could not emerge from this unscathed. No matter what she did, someone would be hurt. Someone already was hurt. She had reacted rashly and her actions had been selfish, she knew. There in New York, on the surface she was embracing her dreams but within her, she knew there was more to what she did than dreams… she was running away.

Nathan had given her an ultimatum that had crashed her reality into jarred, broken pieces. The logical part of her knew that the rationale in packing her bags and leaving on a bus to New York with people had barely even knew was scarce but in that moment, in her deluded mind.. it was what made sense. In no way did that justify her actions but for the past few days, she had been struggling to stay in that mindset.

Three words destroyed her fabrication of logic.

Had it really only been hours since she last left Tree Hill? There in New York, in front of masses fawning over her voice, it seemed to have been so much longer than that. It felt natural, what she was doing, singing… performing. It felt like a second nature.

She didn't think it would be this easy. In all honesty, she had expected to fall flat on her face and fail during her first performance but she had embraced the crowd's energy and something clicked inside of her.

This was where she belonged. Not Tree Hill. Not with Nathan. And, it stayed that way until sixty seconds ago.

Her dilemma was placed ever so crassly in front of her now. She could either stay or leave. It was as simple as that.

She had managed to pack her bags, leaving all that she knew and all that she had trusted for her entire life, once. She could do it again, leaving her dreams behind for the man that she was supposed to love, cherish and honor for the rest of her life. Supposed to.

No, she said to herself, she did. When she married Nathan, she had done it for a reason. She did it because she loved him. She did it because he made her feel more alive than anyone or anything ever could.

Even the fulfillment of her dreams.

She flipped on the light switch, the dimmed hotel lights filling up the room in all its synthetic and gloomy glory. She pushed the hair out of her face before bending down and picking up the cell phone, not closing it yet though keeping it cupped in the palm of her hand.

She should call him. She should say something to him. Even if she was still stuck in a world of confusion, the least she could do was talk to him and give him an explanation. Though, she wasn't entirely sure what she would say… what she should say.

She wasn't even sure if there was a proper explanation. She left him. After only a few months of marriage, she left her husband for an opportunity she wasn't even sure was solid.

No explanation would ever make sense out of an action like that. She was not there in New York to search for some mysterious part of herself that she had never known. She was not there for soul searching. In that moment, she felt that she wasn't even there for herself.

How could she explain that to Nathan? He was a simple man. He wanted concrete answers and she just couldn't give that to him. She didn't have all the answers. She was satisfied with not having them. She liked mystery, she craved excitement and she needed obscurity.

It was overwhelming having her whole life laid out like that in front of her. If she had stayed in Tree Hill, she already knew what her future would consist of. A decent college education, her energy dedicated mainly to Nathan, their future family… her life would forever be integrated with her husband. That was one of her responsibilities and expectations as a wife. It was what she had been meant for.

She was only sixteen. And, that heady feeling of dread and doomed had consumed her and though her mouth kept denying the fact that she was intentionally driving her marriage into the ground, she knew inside that some small, sick part of her wanted freedom. She wanted her life back and she wanted to pursue her dreams.

Without Nathan. Without her husband.

Perhaps she did know some of the answers but it wasn't one that would suffice for Nathan. He would want to know it all and he would ask her why.

She couldn't tell him that. She couldn't even tell herself. The entirety of the reason was beyond them at this point. It was better if it stayed there instead of picking at it, hoping bits and pieces would fall into logic. It was so much more complicated than her own selfishness or stupidity.

She was weak, she knew. She couldn't face it just yet. She closed her palm and the phone clicked shut.

She didn't call him back that night.

-

A/N: I'm a little iffy about this one. So, any feedback would be lovely. .


	2. Something Vague

It had been about 29 hours since he left the message and he had yet to receive a response. He looked at the red blinking lights beside his bed. The clock shone back 4:37 AM proudly and he merely groaned, raising his hand to cover his eyes.

He had yet to get a good night's rest since…

He paused, deciding it was better not to refer to the incident. All it would do was cause him to go on another crazed tangent and he did not need any more meaningful talks with anyone of the Scott family nor did he want to make anymore human contact.

He just wanted to rest; Wallow in filth and just cling onto the hope that she would return his call.

Three minutes later and still no answer. Nathan let out a heavy sigh before he pushed himself off the bed. He stumbled into the bathroom, flipping on the light switch and cringing at the bright light that filled the small room. He kicked the door shut, out of habit then anything else, it wasn't like anybody was going to coming into his apartment at this time of the night.

He turned on the shower, making sure the water was scalding hot before he stepped in. The sizzling drops of liquid relief pounded down on his skin as he pressed his fingertips into the wall in front of him. He closed his eyes, letting the water wash over him, wanting nothing more than to burn the memories of her out of her mind.

He scrubbed himself harshly with some soap before he grabbed the shampoo. With a flick of his fingers, the plastic bottle was open and he poured some cleanser out… it was that vanilla strawberry blend that she liked so much. He was surprised that she didn't take it with her.

Smoothing it into his hair, the bathroom was suddenly filled with the scent of her and if he kept his eyes closed, it almost felt as if she were there.

His blue eyes snapped open and he quickly washed out the shampoo, making sure it left no residue. He wouldn't succumb to that, he told himself. He might've missed his wife but he was still a man. He was still Nathan Scott and he still had his pride, no matter how battered it was at this point.

The water had turned cold now and Nathan merely shook off the beads of chilled fluid. He turned the shower off and grabbed a towel. Wrapping it around himself, he walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway. The place was revolting, pizza boxes and bottles of empty beer strewn all over in a haphazard fashion.

She would be so disappointed. It was too bad she wasn't there.

Rolling his eyes, he opened the fridge and not to his surprise, a box of cold pizza laid in the center. As if in a memorized fashion, he grabbed the pizza, heated it up and ate it as he amused himself with the television. Flipping through the endless channels advertising the latest fad, he leaned back against the couch. He could do this, he told himself. He didn't need her.

He didn't need to wake up to her smiling face in the mornings or kiss her soft hair at nights. He didn't need to wrap himself within her luscious body and he didn't need her words or her comfort during the nights where his nightmares would haunt him into dawn.

He didn't need her at all.

So, why could he even think her name?

The thought kept him frozen for a few moments before he shook himself out of the daze. He flipped the television off and stared at the dimming black screen for a few moments before he walked into his empty bedroom. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and his favorite red sweatshirt, he grabbed his keys, slipped on a pair of sandals and walked out his apartment, leaving it unlocked.

There was nothing valuable there now. It was like a desecrated prison.

He need fresh air. The cool morning air greeted him with open arms but he quickly sped down the stairs, and locked himself in his car, going from one prison to another. Turning on the engine, he put the gear into drive and pressed the accelerator.

And as simple as that, he was on the road.

To where, he didn't know… but he found solace in the empty streets of Tree Hill. When he was beyond the cement and tarred roads of his home town, peace did not suddenly overwhelm him and he still did not feel like he was escaping.

It just felt like he was running away. But, for now, that was okay.

Haley had already tried calling him seven times. Each time, she would manage to dial a few more numbers and on the fourth try, she was even close to pressing the call button but the ending result still remained the same, she couldn't bring herself to finalize the call.

No amount of preparation or mind work could steel her against his anger-tinged voice, ready to pounce on her with the guilt she so rightfully deserved. She had no desire to put herself through even more angst ridden thoughts. She knew she did not deserve relief from them but she was human and she was weak.

She just wanted to rest.

The phone slipped from her fingers and after fifteen minutes of traveling between reality and the depths of sleep, the phone jolted her back into the real word. She looked down at the screen and the name that was flashing on the screen only served to bring sharp stinging tears forth.

Chris.

Oh, god.. he was the last thing she needed right now. Through a daze, however, she found herself answering the call. She should've been proud of herself. She kept her voice steady and even managed to laugh at a few of his ridiculous jokes. The show had been a success and the profits made had skyrocketed this tour through the roof. They were already sold out at their next venue. He had called as soon as he found out.

She should've been ecstatic but the joy eluded her.

She hung up with him 3 minutes and 23 seconds later. His voice could not fill the void in her heart like Nathan's. And, he could see through her act like Nathan could.

It was because he wasn't Nathan. He could never be Nathan and she had no desire for him to even try, because he would always fall short.

She should've been packing her bags now and she should've been calling the airline, asking for the next flight out.

But, instead, she crawled off the bed and slipped into the bathroom and prepared herself for the party that evening.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this update and thank you so much for all the support and feedback. It really means a lot. As for the N/H... well, I'm not one for fast paced fluffiness so I plan to take things slow and develop the characters as the writers tend not to do.


	3. Masquerade

Haley had never considered herself fake. She had always thought of herself as an honest person who didn't lie or fall into deceit unless circumstances truly called for it and even then, she would always berate herself repeatedly until she nearly drove herself insane.

As she stood there in the center of the party, her smile wide and glittering and her whole persona vamped with energy, she couldn't help but wonder what happened to the small town girl from Tree Hill? What happened to Lucas's trustworthy best friend that wore hideous hats and stayed at home on weekends to watch reruns of Dawson's Creek?

What happened to Nathan's wife? His tutor girl…

Was she still her? Deep inside, Haley wanted to believe that a part of her was. But, she knew she couldn't write off what was happening to her life as mere change. This was more than change. This was a complete, tilt your world off its axis transformation that she was wondering if she should even be undergoing. It was a Thursday night, she should've been at home, studying for her next history test instead of mingling with the music elitists of New York.

But, she wasn't and even as her mind screamed within that something was wrong with the situation that she was in, she found that she couldn't move. All she could do was smile and nod, and pretend that she was listening to the vapid words spilling from the mouths of the nameless faces that made up the crowd around her.

The last time she was at a party like this, she had spent the next two hours crying in the subdued darkness of Karen's Café. This wasn't her. It never was. Even when she threw her own 'coming out' party as Nathan had so bluntly put it, she never felt like she fit. Parties and her just didn't click and she honestly didn't expect them to. She supposed a little part of Lucas had rubbed off on her in that manner. She was much happier staying in and lazing around then going out and partying.

Her actions in the past few months could've vouched differently. She had been playing in clubs, hosting parties and going on tour with world famous people. What had changed? Something was different inside her now. She stood there in, frozen, her smile still firmly attached, reaching out for the answer but withdrawing at the same time.

A part of her didn't want to know. She loved that part of her. The part that stayed at home and appreciated the simple things in life. The part of her that used to play mini golf on top of Karen's Café and used to make fun of the derided pleasures of mindless high school idiots who tainted the party scene.

For the first time in a long while, she missed silence and peace. Her life was a whirlwind of passing follies and colors now, blending together into one big moving painting. All she wanted to do now was just freeze the screen and jump back into a place where she had found comfort.

She blinked back into reality when she heard her name being called. Someone was talking to her, someone she didn't recognize. She managed to respond through the smile. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt now. She coughed loudly and excused herself. She could feel Chris's eyes on her back. She didn't know if he knew her doubts and at this point, she was beyond caring. She had told Nathan the truth when she said this wasn't about Chris. She had an attraction towards him, yes, but she never wanted to pursue it.

This whole experience was supposed to be all about her.

But, all she could think of was Nathan.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"You miss her, don't you?"

Nathan glanced at Lucas blankly for a moment before shrugging, "I think I'm finally adjusting to the silence." Lie.

"That doesn't answer my question."

He shot him a quick glare, "Maybe that should tell you something."

"Call her. She misses you too."

"Is that the reason why she left?" Nathan snorted before opening the fridge. His arm reached in and his fingers wrapped around the cold bottle of beer.

"She didn't leave because of you."

His grip tightened on the glass bottle, "No, she didn't stay because of me," Nathan retorted before sliding onto a stool. "Don't waste your breath on me, big brother, we've been through this already."

Lucas eyed the beer bottle warily before sighing. He glanced at the clock and his mouth twitched in disappointment, "It's not even 10 AM yet."

Nathan shrugged, his fingers still wrapped around the bottle. He should be opening it now, he knew. But, he couldn't. All he could hear in his head was her voice and all he could smell was her. Even as Lucas stood there in front of him, lecturing about something or other, all he could focus his thoughts on were her.

If she were here, she wouldn't want him to do this. He knew that was what Lucas was thinking. It was the truth. But, she wasn't here, Nathan tried to tell himself. He let out a heavy sigh. That didn't mean he should destroy everything in his life because of it. If he really wanted to 'accept' this, he wouldn't be drinking.

But, he couldn't accept it. How could anybody? How could anybody just sit back and let their lives fall apart as they knew it and remain passive? How could anybody just let the love of their life walk away to pursue their 'dreams' without feeling some sort of resentment?

He had every right to be angry and to express his anger the only way he knew how. He struck out and though it was supposed to make him feel better, each and every time he brought someone else around him just a notch lower, the amusement and pleasure was ephemeral, fading away quickly into the emptiness that resided within the depths of his heart now.

His wife had left him.

He couldn't accept that.

With burning eyes, Nathan twisted the cap off in one fluid motion and took a large chug, relishing in the feel of the cold alcohol slipping down his throat.

Yet again, the pleasure was fleeting.


	4. Conversations With A Dialtone

Silently, Haley wondered to herself if she should say something. It had been awhile since she made any comment and she felt as if she were miles away from the people that surrounded her though they were within a close physical proximity. Chris was to the side of her and apparently saying something relatively amusing based on the looks on the group.

Chris finished his story with a laugh and a collective one from the group followed. She could only smile awkwardly, opting to look down at the floor instead of facing the interrogating glance of his. He leaned in and whispered in her ear a few words that her muddled mind couldn't decipher. She watched the looks on the faces of the people around her instead, hating the knowing smiles that were forming.

We aren't together. She wanted so desperately to scream it. Why couldn't they figure that out and just accept it?

Chris touched her gently on the shoulder and she managed not to flinch. She muttered an excuse and walked off before she heard a response. He didn't follow her.

Nathan would have.

Sighing to herself, she sifted through the rest of the partygoers, finding a dark corner at the end of a long hallway. She leaned against the wall, drink in hand before closing her eyes. She needed to sort out her thoughts, but why here of all places? A party that was supposed to be held in celebration of her and her soon to be thriving music career was not the place where she was supposed to begin doubting her choice of leaving Tree Hill and Nathan. Her husband. Nathan.

She rolled the words around her tongue, they pushed against her lips, but she found that she couldn't say either out loud. It was almost as if she still held onto the childish belief that if she didn't say it, it didn't exist. But, it did. That 'it' was her husband, the one person that she was supposed to spend eternity with and dedicate her whole life to. And, she left him.

She hated it when people broke promises and she managed to break the ultimate of the bunch. Shaking her head, she dug into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She could call him and then… say what, exactly? I'm sorry? I miss you? I can't stop thinking about you?

I love you.

Haley bit the inside of her cheek, squeezing her cell phone tight within her palm before letting out a heavy sigh. She needed to say something to him. She couldn't just not return his call, only lord knows what he would think if she didn't. She needed to let him know that she was still there and she still cared. She was still holding on to… something.

The something that kept her heart beating rapidly though she was miles and miles away from the reason; the something that she had been hiding from for the past few days, the something that she had married him for and loved him for.

Why did it feel like he was the one who left and she was the one who was stuck in an empty apartment back in Tree Hill wondering where he was off to and what he was doing? Was he happy? No, of course not, she berated herself for being so foolish. He was angry and disappointed and worried and hurting. She found some sort of small comfort in that he still cared enough to call. He missed her. He wanted her back.

She could still go back. Albeit, he wouldn't be standing at the door with open arms but there was still a chance that things might be okay in the end, that they could be happy together again. She just didn't know if she had the strength to leave.

The major driving factor in her leaving Tree Hill in the first place was Nathan's ultimatum. She knew that he didn't mean it but the mere fact that he would even think it much less speak it to her scared her to pieces. He might actually leave her and then their relationship would've ended. It had scared her into action and somehow she ended up packing a bag and getting on a bus to New York with Chris. She knew it didn't make much sense or any sense whatsoever but she wasn't thinking at the time and though there were many times on the bus that she just wanted to get off and run back to Tree Hill, she didn't.

She had done the riskiest thing that she had ever done in her sixteen years of life and she didn't know if she could top it off by doing something even riskier, going back to him. So, she didn't. She stayed on the bus and tried to cope with her decision. She didn't call him out of cowardice.

And, she still couldn't. She was still reeling from that night and from his words and from her actions. She was still reeling and she was still falling.

Haley flipped open her phone and slowly, she began to dial the familiar numbers. So close, all she had to do now was press call. One button and then it would connect and she would hear his voice.

Closing her eyes, her thumb settled over the button but she found that she couldn't bring herself to push it. One action and yet again, things would change so drastically. She couldn't do it.

Shaking her head, she closed her phone and stuffed it back into her pocket.

She should've been proud of her makeup skills. Nobody even noticed the tear stains on her cheeks when she returned to the party.

"Did you know," Nathan slurred, nearly shoving his face into Lucas's, "that today is the official two week mark since my wife left me?"

Lucas cringed from the alcohol on his brother's breath. He struggled to move both his and Nathan's body up the stairs to his apartment. Sighing, he leaned against the railing on the stairs, "Nathan, you really have to stop doing this. You've been drinking for two weeks straight."

Nathan smiled blissfully, "I love that JD."

Lucas watched him with disappointed eyes. He shook his head and pushed them up the final stair, nearly stumbling to the door. Fumbling with the keys, he opened the door to what used to be his best friend's and his brother's apartment. Flinching from the smell wafting out of the abode, he turned on the light and laid Nathan on the couch, deciding it was a shorter and more doable distance than the master bedroom.

Nathan kicked off his shoes, settling into the couch, muttering a few nonsensical words.

Two weeks, Haley had been gone. Nathan wasn't the only one who felt the gap of her lack of presence. Though the emotional pain that he felt was different from Nathan's, the amount was by far, no less. In a way, he was just as betrayed as Nathan was but he preferred not speak of it. If he did, it would only make the situation worse and right now, he couldn't indulge himself with a bit of self pity.

He had to take care of his little brother.

He dimmed the lights, closed the door and began cleaning up Nathan's apartment. He was halfway done with the dishes when the phone rang. Not wanting the noise to wake Nathan, he bolted towards the phone and answered with a breathy whisper, "Hello?"

"Lucas?"

Lucas nearly dropped the phone at the sound of her voice. He smiled to himself, at least she still remembered what he sounded like. "Haley," he said softly.

"What are you-" Her voice sounded dejected, "Where's Nathan?"

"He's sleeping."

"Oh, well, I just-" He could hear her heavy sigh. She was probably biting her lip and fidgeting, wondering what to say next.

"How are you, Hales?" Lucas leaned against the counter, falling back into a easy conversation mode.

"Struggling," she answered honestly, "And, you?"

"I don't think I'm the one you really are about at the moment but I'm fine."

A few silent moments passed before she could bring herself to ask the next question, "How's Nathan?"

"Terrible. He needs you, I've told you this already."

"I'm scared," Haley said honestly, almost brutally, "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do from here. I've been mulling over my options and I just, I don't know. I've tried to stop thinking about him, you know? And, somehow I always fall back into the moment he proposed to me."

Lucas nodded, "You miss him and you love him. He's your husband, that's normal."

"Yeah," Haley said unsurely, "Why am I so scared to talk to him then? Shouldn't a conversation between a loving couple be easy and relaxed? It took me nearly an hour just to make this phone call."

"I don't think I need to explain to you the reason for that," Lucas replied simply, "You already know. You are, after all, the smarter one between us."

Haley laughed, "Then, why do I keep making these stupid decisions?"

"You can fix it though."

"Yeah," she said softly though her voice held uncertainty. She was silent for a few seconds, "Don't tell him I called, Lucas."

"Okay." He waited for the goodbye.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, buddy."


End file.
